


The Secret Diary of Rose Tyler

by TheDoctorMulder



Series: Breaking Point [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Diary/Journal, Multi, OT3, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2018-02-27 09:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 7,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2688512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDoctorMulder/pseuds/TheDoctorMulder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose begins to keep a journal. Each entry is a oneshot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Same, But Different

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: swearing
> 
> This first entry is pretty much setting up the stories in the next entries, and allows this to be read without having to read Breaking Point first. 
> 
> First entry is written just before the events of "She Doesn't Need Me."

Dear Diary-- Do people really say that in one of these? No, absolutely not, that sounds like an 8 year old is writing this. I will never write that again.

It's been about a month since I came back to this universe, and it's been a wild ride. I don't know what I was hoping to have when I came back, but what I got wasn't what I could have expected at all.

Part of me worried that my Doctor would have moved on, or that it had been hundreds of years for him, or he wouldn't want me around after I told him that I loved him and broke down on that fucking beach. 

But then I remembered that he burned up a sun to say goodbye, and what the beach was called (Bad Wolf Bay). And that kept me going through learning physics, and building the dimension cannon, and wrong parallel universe after wrong parallel universe, and through finding him dead in an alternate universe. 

When I finally made it back, we ran to each other, like we were in one of my mum's bodice rippers or something like that. But he got shot by a damned Dalek before I could even get to him and started regenerating. 

While I had been jumping through the universes, I found this one, and was stopped from getting to the Doctor about a year earlier for him by myself and the Doctor, of all people. I was handed a letter with sometimes detailed and sometimes vague instructions telling me what to do to make sure the paradox completed right. 

The thing was, I had met the Doctor after this all happened, and he was still all, sort of brown. Brown eyes, brown, spikey, really, really great hair, brown pinstriped suit, brown coat given to him by Janis Joplin. He loves that coat in this body. It's his third greatest possession, after the TARDIS and sonic screwdriver, of course. 

So I freaked out, and told him he couldn't die. To be fair, I probably would have freaked out anyway, even if the paradox hadn't happened. I mean, I had just come back, and he was mortally wounded, and my one experience with regeneration wasn't so good. He had went a little crazy for a moment and had a neural implosion, and was sick for hours. We didn't need that right when we were trying to keep the multiverse from disappearing. 

So he did something weird, even for him. He used the energy to heal himself, then threw the rest into a hand! Not just any hand, it was the one that got chopped off on Christmas Day, just a few hours after regenerating. 

I still have to ask him how he came to have that hand, and why it was in a jar in the console room, of all places. 

So one thing led to another, and I thought we were going to fail. Donna had been dropped into what was essentially a star at the center of the Dalek Crucible while still in the TARDIS. The TARDIS had screamed in my head, and I had to act like I couldn't feel her, because that would have given away my secret. 

The whole thing was looking pretty bleak, when The TARDIS appeared, and out came the Doctor and Donna. The Doctor failed in what he was going to do, but Donna figured out how to stop the machine. It was funny, and I'll never forget how happy she was with all that knowledge in her head. 

Poor Donna. She had done all these wonderful things, and she can't remember it now. We'll remember for her, and the Ood will sing of her for the rest of their existence. 

At first, I had thought that there was another paradox, allowing two Doctors to be in the same place at the same time, but it wasn't. It was something called a metacrisis. I still don't quite understand how and why that happened, but we now have two Doctors, the original one, and one that is part human. 

This new Doctor has one heart, no ability to regenerate, and ages closer to how a human does, if a bit slower.

The three of us now run together, and it's all the same. We laugh at inappropriate times, get things done at the last second, and run from the latest person the Doctor has insulted-like always.

It's the same, but it's different, very different.

For starters, there's simply the fact that there's two of him, which is a whole new layer of complicated. They both look exactly the same, ramble the same, and have the same mannerisms, like the running his fingers through his hair when he's stressed, or the way he scratches at his neck when he's caught out.

They're the same, but they're also different.

My new, new, new Doctor is warmer, and not just his body heat (35 degrees to his counterpart's 16). He's more open. It's like his guilt has just melted away. Not all of it, of course, or even most of it, but he just seems overall happier than his counterpart. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he's part human. 

But his moods shift even faster than his old self. He gets angrier faster and easier, and scarier when he gets there. He's a lot like his leather and ears self now, actually. He's still the Doctor, though, he still tries not to hurt anyone if he can help it. 

He's sassy and sarcastic. I mean he's always sassy and sarcastic, but he's a bit more like he was when he was all leather and ears. I keep saying that, actually. It's like some of the parts of the personality he used to have have merged with his personality he regenerated into when he became all sort of brown.

When he's stressed, or tired, or being sarcastic and sassy, he has a tendency to talk a bit like Donna. Oh, the names he calls his two hearted double! Names like Dumbo and Plonker when he's being thick. Spaceman happens to be my favorite-as if he's any less of a 'spaceman'. That's usually reserved for times when the original Doctor is rambling on about something or the occasional affectionate moment. Not that he'd ever admit to being affectionate to his 'brother.' 

He also tends to sometimes refer to me as “Blondie,” as in, “...and Blondie over there's name is....”

He's still rude and not ginger (and he admits to being unhappy that he'll never naturally be a ginger.) He's still the same as ever, but different.

That's the mantra of this new life, I suppose, same, but different.

I'm stronger than before, I'm faster, I'm smarter. I have a lot of experience with being on my own in dangerous situations. The Doctor, Doctors, I mean, are both starting to see this, but they still sometimes act as if I'm as breakable as I used to be. If anything, in some ways, they are even more protective and possessive and drive me completely barmy.

I should have known that would happen, though, because the reason for that is the biggest change of all. We're together. 

I've always loved him, it wasn't until after I met Jack that I realized that I was IN love with the Doctor, but I never thought anything would come of it. Was even half convinced I'd have to live my life celibate if I wanted to remain by his side. But that's all different now.

Since almost the beginning after coming back, I made my intentions known. I was going to be there by both of their sides, no matter what, unless one of them didn't want me, and it was up to them how I was by their side. After that, the part human Doctor and myself had been making out like teenagers behind the bleachers. 

Two weeks ago, everything changed. The full Gallifreyan Doctor took me to this beautiful planet where the flowers glow in the dark, and while we were there, he told me that he was willing to give us a shot, even if I was going to be gone long before him. That's all I wanted to know.

After an incident with some locals (of course there was an incident with the locals, and I wouldn't want it any other way), I told him my secret. I'm telepathic, I heal fast, I'll have an extremely long life, and weirdest of all, I'm not completely human anymore. Human Plus is what the Doctor calls it. 

I have the extra strand of DNA that all Time Lords have, which controls regeneration, lifespan, and whatnot. Well, the Doctor calls it TNA, and I'd be wondering what that stood for, if I could remember what DNA stood for in the first place. It's partially temporally out of sync though, slowly coming into sync, which is part of why we hadn't noticed any changes before. We don't know how it'll work when it's fully in sync. The possibility that I could regenerate scares me a bit, actually. 

I also have bits of the genetic code of the TARDIS in me, allowing me to hold the extra artron and huon energy still left behind from my time as Bad Wolf without any side effects. It seems that I'm still the Bad Wolf, and will always be. 

The next day, we found another TARDIS. It's just a baby coral right now, but it seems to have attached to me, and I was able to save it with some of my artron and huon energy. It seems that I'm going to have my own TARDIS someday. Kinda excited about that, actually!

After that, we made love for the first time, together, all three of us. It still makes me blush. 

There's another area where they are different. The Doctor with one heart tends to be passionate, a little uncontrolled. He also likes to sometimes do it as a human, without telepathy. He's also very adventurous, and likes to experiment.

He's also a bit of a flirt. I mean the Doctor has always been a flirt as I know it, but this particular part human version is so full on innuendo and flirt. Sometimes I wonder if a bit of Jack didn't get in there!

The Doctor with two hearts tends to be calmer and more controlled, unless we let the telepathy take over a bit. He's also cooler, temperature wise. His internal temperature is only 16 degrees normally, whereas mine is 37 degrees. That adds a whole different dimension to making love. He also needs a certain amount of certain hormones before he can really do anything, and I only give that much off if I have an orgasm. I like that, a lot. 

The Doctor with two hearts and I got a little overzealous with the telepathy the first time we were together, and wound up making a bond with one another, only one step below an unbreakable bond. From what I understand, we were holding back from one another, and it was enough to keep ourselves from going whole hog into it. So now, I have a bond with the full Time Lord Doctor, where I can always feel his presence, and can feel strong emotion if he doesn't block it off. We can also send images, words, feelings, and such through our link.

I also have a lighter link with the part human Doctor. We set it in place so that he could teach me some things about telepathy that my previous teacher, who was quite a bit weaker than me, couldn't or didn't know about. As soon as my link with the Time Lord is settled, I'll try to establish a stronger link with him, so that I also always feel his presence and tell if he's in danger or not without having to actively reach out.

He asked for it, but I want it, because he's the same, but different. The same in that he's a trouble magnet, and he can't stay away from helping people, no matter if he's going into danger or not. Different in that he's almost as breakable as a human now. And I want him safe, for as long as possible. I want him to grow old on me, because that means we'll have had plenty of time together. 

And look at me rambling on. There's so much to write in here. I wonder why I put this off for so long!

We're going to this planet called Otinata today. There should be this thruster thing there that they want to get hold of for the TARDIS. Hopefully everything goes off without a hitch. 

What am I saying? We'll probably be running back to the TARDIS.


	2. I Feel Like Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entry happens the day after the events of She Doesn't Need Me.

Well, we didn't run back to the TARDIS this time. That's something at least. In hindsight, I think I would have rather been running back to the TARDIS.

While we were on Otinata, the Doctor in blue was kidnapped and taken to a ship orbiting the planet to be infected with a virus. They believed him to be Ornanithian, cause we looked the same.

One thing led to another, and we managed to keep the virus from infecting all of the Ornanithians, but I got infected instead.

Thankfully, with my...enhancements, the virus wasn't deadly to me, and we had the cure, so I've only got one day where I feel really wore down and achy. The important part is that no one else will catch it.

But I feel like Hell. I've always hated being sick, and I don't know why, but I had it in my head that I'd never get sick again, with my new enhancements and all. I told this to the Doctor with 2 hearts, who told me that there are many things that could get him down, it has to be a really aggressive virus to do so. He told me about a virus called Chen 7 that could do him in in a day, but only affects dual hearted races.

May we never come across that.

I really need something else to call them, than by their physiological differences or what they wear.

If my 19 year old self could see me now, using words like physiological.

They’ve been sweet, very sweet, and that's nice and all. Like everything the Doctor does, though, there's no halfsies. I want an hour to myself.

That's one of the many little issues about there being two now, when something happens that would have had him kinda clingy before, now it's doubled.

I shouldn't be complaining, even in my head but I'm tired and achy and grumpy.

10 more hours at the most, hopefully, and this'll be over.

We've taken a break from Harry Potter in the movie marathon and just watched another archaeologist based documentary. The Doctors get a kick out of that.

I just remembered that we're supposed to have gone on a trip to ancient Egypt so I can see the artwork as it originally was.

Think I'll suggest a comedy after the next Harry Potter movie.


	3. Doctor Doctor

I fell asleep when Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire started, so I guess we'll save that for our next movie marathon.

I woke up feeling much, much better while the two of them were watching Spies Like Us. Clue one missed.

When I came out of the bathroom, all freshly washed and dressed and feeling like a new woman, they were grinning. That should have been my second clue.

So we went to Egypt, after I reminded the Doctor that he said we'd go there sometime.

I went to the wardrobe for a period appropriate dress for a noble woman. Don't want to be mistaken for a slave- again. The TARDIS showed me a wonderful outfit. A white dress that billowed out a bit. It had one transparent sleeve. A pair of thick bracelets, a beaded collar, and an armband. There was also a black wig.

They were both in a great mood. The part human Doctor even dressed up in ancient Egyptian clothing for the occasion. I assumed that they were in a great mood because they had been cooped up for a day and were getting free.

You know what they say about the word ass-u-me.

They were talking to each other, and calling each other by their chosen name. Normally, the part human Doctor calls his other self any number of oddball nicknames, and the Gallifreyan man calls his double, “you,” or “him,” or “he,” and sometimes, “idiot.”

Clue 3 missed.

I blame the attire that the part human Doctor was wearing for my lapse in seeing what they were doing.

He was wearing a kilt of sorts, white with a transparent over skirt. No top. A beaded collar and two beaded wristbands.

And his Chucks.

Seriously, he was wearing his red Chucks with traditional middle kingdom Egyptian wear!

We tried to goad the other Doctor into dressing in period appropriate clothes, but he was having none of it, even when we reminded him of the tunic in Rome.

Anyway, we had a great day, walked around tombs that were already a bit old, watched a tomb being worked on. I even painted a bit of one of them! The tomb of Senusret III is partially painted by me!

So the three of us were walking around Ancient Egypt circa 1800 bc-ish. I was looking like a pale noblewoman, the part human Doctor dressed like a pale nobleman, and the Time Lord Doctor walking around in a suit and trench coat. Why he insisted on wearing that trench coat in heat like that, I'll never know. At least heat doesn't affect him as much.

Speaking, well, writing of his attire....Why does no one ever call him out on his clothes? I can understand in the future, or anytime after suits were invented, but a suit in ancient Egypt? I'll figure this out one day.

In the meantime, I still love dressing up.

I've got great pictures to add to my books, and one new one to add to my adventure wall.

We came across an accident in a construction area. These people are working with giant blocks of stone, and an accident can easily become deadly. Physicians ran into the area when the stone stopped moving, but luckily, there was only one injury this time, a cut to the arm by a piece of chipped stone.

I was just following the Doctor, whichever one was leading the way at the time, and it was the one in the suit who followed the doctors.

I got a lecture on Egyptian medicine. Evidently, they were the first humans to equate a pulse with heart beat, and could set bones. They were the most advanced in medicine at the time. Egyptian doctors were leaders in medical research through the Hellenistic period and the Roman period into the Islamic period.

Great, now I'm sounding like an encyclopedia.

So we follow the Egyptian physicians (say that ten times fast) into a tent, and the Doctors explained that I was visiting (though they neglected to say where I was visiting from), and wanted to know about medicine in this part of the world.

I don't know how they did it, but somehow, those two managed to reenact the “Doctor” scene from Spies Like Us!

They did it with quite a bit more enthusiasm than than Dan Akroyd and Chevy Chase did, though. And no flirting.

Goofballs

I'm still laughing just thinking about it.


	4. Sleeping Arrangements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose muses on sleeping arrangements and some of her worries.

Time: Sometime after _She Doesn't Need Me_ , just before _Bonds_

XxXxXxXx  
We all need different amounts of sleep.

The Doctor with two hearts should have about 9 hours a week- a week! I can still barely believe that. Though he's been known to go 2 or 3 weeks without sleep. He doesn't really have a schedule. At least he's sleeping more now than he used to.

The warmer Doctor needs a lot more, 7 to 8 hours every day. 

I now need about 5 hours every day. At least I think so, that's what I usually get anyway 5 to 5 ½ hours. It's possible I could need less by now, but I enjoy my sleep.

Needless to say, the Time Lord never has to sleep alone anymore, and neither do I, but the part human Doctor does.

I worry that he'll feel left out. There's so many ways he could easily feel that way. He has a weaker telepathic link with me than the other one. The lifespan difference. The sleeping difference. He's more breakable. 

I've noticed that I already have a tendency to want to protect him over the other one. That sounds so bad, but when you think about it, the Time Lord Doctor can regenerate and survive a lot more, the Gallifreyan/human Doctor is basically human in that sense.

I admitted that to the Doctor late one night about it, after the other one went to bed, and he told me that now I know why he's always so protective. 

He then started apologizing, again. I've started just crossing my arms and giving them a look whenever one of them starts apologizing for something that I don't consider to be his fault, or I'm happy about.

I do the only thing I can do- try to make sure the Doctor who needs sleep every day doesn't both wake up and go to bed alone. If I'm tired when he goes to bed, I go with him, If not, I try to time when I would wake up close to when he should wake up. 

I do my work on the baby TARDIS when he's asleep, the parts I do on my own anyway. Not much, just checking the size, temperature, humidity, and other sensors and noting them in a log, so we can make sure the little one is doing well. I'm learning more and more about them. The Doctor once worked in the place where TARDISs were grown for a short time when he was a boy. Something about a paper he worked on when he was in the Academy. 

I do most of my gym time when he's asleep too. I need some time to myself each day, that was true even back when he was all ears and leather and one person. 

One of these days, I'll get one, or both of them to teach me that Venusian Akido that he told me about on Otinata 

It's time to get some sleep now.


	5. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: My computer gave me the magic blue smoke yesterday. Lovely. Just what I needed. I make my living with a computer. Well, I say computer, but it's really a computer and yarn. I'm a crochet and knitwear designer. Anyway, I'm now typing on a tiny tablet and have lost the first half of Bonds chapter 2. Not even going into the half of my pattern book I'm writing that's now stuck because this tablet won't recognize an odt file! I'm so glad I backed that up.
> 
> Anyway, posting on my stories may slow down a bit.
> 
> Rant over. On to the story.
> 
> XxXxXxXx
> 
> The Secret Diary of Rose Tyler Entry 5
> 
> Timeline: Anytime after Breaking Point

I'm afraid.

There, I admit it.

Okay, so I'm afraid of a lot of things, but this is new.

I'm afraid of myself. It's starting to hit me that I'll live who knows how long, and I'm afraid of losing myself. My mother said back on the day of the Battle of Canary Wharf, before it had ever begun that I'd be some strange woman walking in the marketplace one day. That I wouldn't be Rose Tyler anymore. That I wouldn't be human any more.

So far, she's got the 'not human' part right, but I'm still mostly human. Though I believe that she was actually talking about my humanity. I still think, act, and feel like a human. Still, even then, I find myself occasionally acting above humans. I'm not. I'm just a girl, who still has an ape brain myself. I am not above anyone, and I must remember that. Otherwise, I'm no better than the snotty people who've looked down on me my whole life.

I am just a human with a few enhancements. I am just a girl who happened to blindly stumbled into something extraordinary.

I worry about losing my compassion. I'm an empath, I'm supposed to be one of the most compassionate people, yet I find myself blocking off that ability often to concentrate on less emotional things.

I'm afraid about becoming as jaded as the Doctor proves to be sometimes. I know I've said that I'll never get used to a different ground beneath my feet, but what if I do? What if I get so used to it, it's like standing in a backyard to visit a whole new planet?

I know that barring an accident, I will outlive my family and friends, including one of my Doctors, maybe even both. I've made peace with that. I figure that I'll meet so many wondeful people that I wouldn't have met otherwise, and it'll be fantastic.

But I worry about remembering my family and friends. Human memory is only so good, and you lose details so quickly. My Jack, if he's really the Face of Boe, which I still have my doubts about, didn't act like he knew me on platform 1. And what was the apparent last time he saw me, I was posessed by that flap of skin and acting like a bitch.

Oh god, we need to see him after that incident. I can't let his last memory of me be "I hate telepathy, just what I need, a head full of Face."

There's a silver lining, though. If he is Jack, he'll be really Zen in his old age. He's already mellowed out a bit 2000 years in.


	6. Life is Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: during Bonds, some spoilers for chapters 2 and 3.
> 
> A/N: new computer has arrived :) So did my daughter's present. I got her the 10th Doctor's sonic screwdriver, with the sound effects and the UV pen and ink pen under the black tip. She's gonna squeal!

What was supposed to have been a simple trip to get bits and bobs for the TARDISes, TARDIi? How does an acronym work in plural?

Anyway, back on track here, we got bits and bobs for them, and I was about to get my last bit, when I ran into the Doctor, the one that wears the blue suit, and I still need a better way to differentiate them from one another.

We were a bit, naughty, and wound up being chased back to the TARDIS. I tell you, nothing kills the mood faster than a little girl squealing for her daddy just when you're about to shatter.

Glad we got warning. That could have been bad otherwise.

Of course, we might not have gotten chased if the Doctor could have kept his gob shut!

Of course, the other Doctor had to insult us about our human DNA, something about a drive to procreate. We asked him what his excuse was for the closet incident last week.

Oh, the stuttering!

We went out to eat, on Barcelona! I love Barcelona. So beautiful. The dogs without noses are weird looking, but adorable. Their faces are flat. Apparently, their sense of smell is located in little whiskers coming off the tips of their ears.

Dress code is a bit strict, though. Legs have to be completely covered, and women aren't allowed to wear trousers. Ridiculous, yes, but that's OK, though, because it gave me a reason to wear that long skirt I got on Trilaxia Three.

Life is good. Bad things will happen, eventually, but for now, let's enjoy the good things.

Good thing! We learned today that the bond with the Doctor with two hearts has settled now. For so long, the strength of it fluctuated. From what I was told, it should have settled a week ago, at the latest, but then again, I wasn't born a telepath, and that made it take longer. The explanation was rambling, as usual, but the gist of it is that there's certain things you just learn as you grow up. Stuff that can't be taught, only learned through use, and the ties between telepathic people is one of those things.

Now that it's settled, the human Doctor and I can make our bond stronger.

We really have to get the name thing sorted out. I don't even have an idea in my head, and I bet they haven't even thought about it.


	7. Cybermen and Vortex Stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: just after The Next Doctor?

The last few days have been pretty busy, even for us.

We did Christmas with my family, which was great. I gave the Doctors some little edible ball bearings. The two of them are ridiculously hard to get presents for, so I went with sentimental and edible.

They gave me a sword, just like my old one. I was surprised at that, with it being a weapon and all. They also gave me a screwdriver, like theirs, but silver and gold with a red light. That shocked me even more. Since when does the Doctor give a sonic screwdriver to anyone?

The next day, we wound up in 1851 London, on Christmas eve, where we met a couple of people who we thought were me and the Doctor who can still regenerate at first. It turned out that Rosita was just a coincidence, and the "Doctor" was just a poor man who had lost his wife and son, then lost his mind at the same time an accident happened with an info-stamp. He was reunited with his son.

The day brought up a ton of horrible memories and fears, though. The problem was with the Cybermen.

Cybermen that we had thrown into the Void at Canary Wharf. They used Dalek tech to get out of the Void while it was cracked, and I can't help but wonder when and where other Cybermen and Daleks will show up.

I don't even want to think on the Cybermen anymore.

In other news, my Vortex manipulator works now. And apparently, in this universe, Vortex travel with it feels very good to me. I gain energy from it. We theorize that it's the bits from the TARDIS in me. In the other universe, though, it hurt like hell.

I also didn't physically need to sleep for a while because of it. Spent the night in the library with the Doctor learning some of the basics of his language, which I'll need to learn in order to learn the other things I need to know for my TARDIS. Books only in Gallifreyan, concepts that English can't properly explain, etc.

This is difficult. It's a language designed for incredibly intelligent beings who time travel. English has 13 tenses, Gallifreyan has 59.

I wonder why the little TARDIS is going to be mine. I don't know what I'm doing, I just happened to have the energy it needed. I sometimes feel that I'm out of my depth. Oh, who am I kidding, when it comes to being anything more than human, I always feel a bit overwhelmed.

Well, I wanted to learn. Guess I will now.


	8. Date Night 1

Timeline: Sometime after The Next Doctor.

XxXxXxXx

Two Doctors is nice, really nice. But it's sometimes nice to have some one on one time.

Most of the time, when we're all awake, we're together. When it's just me and the full Time Lord awake, that's when I usually check on my TARDIS, spend an hour in my practice room (never more, sometimes less), and work on learning Gallifreyan. 

We started doing this thing, a “date night” of sorts. Basically, every now and then, I spend time with one of them outside of the TARDIS, and the other does whatever they want to do. 

It's something we had done before we were even together-together. I had went to a concert with Blue, and to the planet Lu'Pa with Brown. 

Blue and Brown, yeah, that's how I'll write them here. With the bonds, they always know which one I'm talking to in person, but for my memories, I've still got to say which one. 

Today, Brown took me to that ball in the crystal palace like he had said in 1851. The planet was beautiful. It was made out of crystals of all different colors and types. The wall were mostly white and semi opaque stone, and embellishments were done in everything from amethyst to rose quartz. 

It was gorgeous. 

Glad Mum wasn't there, she'd be trying to take one of the embellishments! 

Of course we found a bit of trouble. The Doctor denied an offer of a dance with a girl. But he didn't just tell her no, he was a bit rude about it. She turned out to be royalty, and we were chased from the palace.

I think we'll be avoiding all royalty from now on, except Queen Elizabeth II, because she actually likes the Doctor.


	9. Fearful Pranks Ensue

Secret Diary: Pranks

Timeline: anytime after The Next Doctor?

XxXxXxXx

Took them long enough to realize they they could do this.

So I come into the kitchen, no galley, got to remember that, to find both Doctors sitting there, already eating breakfast. Both of them greeted me, then turned back to their conversation in Gallifreyan.

I'm too new to the language, and they spoke too fast, but I did catch my name and a few words that led me to believe they were discussing their lesson plans for me.

Everything is either full on or not at all with those two. I love the trait, but blimey, could they slow down a bit? I've only got an ape brain!

I sat down to eat my breakfast and noticed that the Doctor wearing the blue suit had that eucalinictus syrup drenched over his pancakes. The other one had plain maple.

Blue hates the taste of eucalinictus syrup. I was there when he found that out.

They'd switched colors on me. The only other time they had switched colors was that time Blue got arrested for wearing the color, and we'd broken him out by distracting the guards.

I didn't say anything about it, just watched where this was going, because those two never do anything without a reason.

Neither of them said anything about it either, even through persuading a king to abolish a very xenophobic law.

It was hilarious watching them both try to keep from giving their little joke away. All the little differences between the two were magnified. Or maybe I was just paying more attention to the differences.

When we got back to the TARDIS, they had decided to come clean. Blue (the real Blue), told me that he had something to tell me, and I replied by asking if it had to do with the fact that they'd been wearing the other's suit since breakfast.

Oh, their faces!

The Time Lord admitted that he had gone so far as to rev up his metabolism to make his skin a hair warmer, so it'd be more difficult to tell them apart.

I told him that he shouldn't have eaten one of the syrups that the other one hated. I might not have noticed so quickly if he hadn't done that.

Wonder what other twin pranks they'll try to pull now?


	10. Awakening of the TARDIS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Secret Diary: Awakening of the TARDIS
> 
> Timeline: Eight months after the end of The Next Doctor? Two months after Giving Up Control

Hit a milestone with the little TARDIS today.

Before now, I could feel her, but it was never more than an awareness that I could only really perceive when I was touching the coral.

Today, that all changed. I touched her, and it felt like something was stretching, a good stretch, like the languid stretching you do when you first wake up.

I got wrapped up in this feeling, and held my hand to the coral for at least a minute, when usually I transfer energy with just a few seconds. Luckily, the Doctors had felt what I felt and came to see what was up. One of them pulled my hand off the coral, and the moment contact was severed, I got dizzy and passed out.

The Doctors called it, "i' herääminen en' i' sielu," or, "The Awakening of the Soul," and they hadn't been expecting it to happen yet. They didn't know when it would, considering the speed at which the coral was being grown and the fact that every TARDIS model is a bit different, but they weren't expecting it for a while.

Apparently, before now, the TARDIS coral we've been growing has been like a newborn baby. As long as it was fed the conditions were comfortable, it was happy. But now it's gaining more awareness. Now's when it starts to need more attention.

My time touching the coral has cut off at least a month of the growth time. There was enough growth today that I can see the difference in there now from this morning.

I'm so tired. The Artron drain has made me feel like I skipped a night of sleep. I think I'm gonna take a nap now.


	11. In Fighting and An Unlikely Couple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: pretty much anytime

For being the same man, not that long ago, both Doctors have a lot of difference of opinion.

I used to think it was simple jealousy, but we ran into an earlier version of the Doctor, one who wore a body with extremely curly hair and wore a ~very~ vibrant jacket. Still had a great smile and nice bum, though.

We crossed paths with their past self for only half an hour, but a good 15 minutes of it was spent with Doctors telling one another how much of an idiot they thought they were, and variations of that theme.

Blue and Brown stuck together on the arguments, and I stayed out of the argument between them and Colorblind.

And all of this for a quick rescue and drop off. The Doctor had gotten himself arrested and taken to a prison moon.

But, today, I learned that the fighting between my Doctors is just because he really hates himself. Also, it seems that both of the Doctors of my timeline are behaving themselves quite nicely. It can't be easy almost literally living with yourself, seeing all the things you hate about yourself reflected in the other.

I wonder what I'd think of my other self if I ever ran into myself. Again. The letter paradox doesn't count. We were very close in age and there was no time to argue.

In other news, Jack told me that Mickey's dating again, good for him. Apparently, he's dating Martha. Martha who ran with the Doctor for a bit after I fell.

I can see it. They both can tell the other exactly who they are. They don't have to lie, or leave out the scary bits of the stories. They don't have to worry about the other one thinking they're crazy when they tell stories.

All the things I was worried about when I was trying to live in the other universe.

I have to call Mickey and get it straight from him.


	12. Sugar High

Note to self: **Don't let Blue have so much sugar!**

Wow, and I thought Brown could get hyper.

We were at a carnival and he loaded up. I swear, if he'd talked any faster, he'd sound like a chipmunk. Both of them were hyper for a bit and I was ready to strangle them.

He's come down from it now and is sleeping. Brown's doing meditative maintenance. Wonder how many shocks he'll wind up with this time.

I'm with the TARDIS coral right now. Sweetheart's doing great. We'll be able to start adding parts to her soon. I can't wait!


	13. Powerless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: Shortly before River Of Time

 

I sometimes wonder if I'm going mad. Or have already done it, whatever.

Let's forget the basics of my mad life: how I live in a sentient time traveling spaceship with 2 men who's really one, but is now 2. Alien men, to be specific.

As if that weren't mad enough.

Since I've come back to this universe, I've been having moments where I'm not me. Instead, I'm HER. I have no memory of those times and wake up feeling very tired. It's wrong, really, very wrong to be going along perfectly fine and suddenly, you're waking up, sometimes in a different place.

The part that makes me feel the craziest is how the Doctors don't seem to worry about it. I just become another person entirely and they go along with whatever comes out of my mouth when I'm like that.

There is someone else controlling me and they just go along with it!

I know I created her, me and TARDIS, and she's done nothing but save their lives since my return to this universe. She's not hurting me.

But it doesn't change the fact that I have no control over my own actions. All the good things don't change the knowledge that she could do anything, and I'm powerless to stop it.

I'm afraid of the Big Bad Wolf.

Note to self: They know something, just suck it up and ask them already.


	14. Of River Song and the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for River of Time. The first part is what Rose was writing during the last chapter. The second was written afterwards.

We went to Asgard today. They have this festival thing and a levitating ballet, which was beautiful., but while there, I met a woman who seemingly knows everything about me. Even with time travel, that’s odd. 

 

Her name is River Song. She showed up during the middle of the dance and afterwards, we went to Liemma with her. Of course, we wound up in the middle of the Sontaran/Rutan war. 

 

Yippee. 

 

Blue got hurt, he won’t tell me how badly. He’s fixed up now, but the fact that he won’t tell me scares me. It’s yet another reminder of his mortality.

 

Had another visit from Bad Wolf today. I’m not sure how I feel about that right now. The Doctor does have a point, I created her, well, me and the TARDIS did anyway. She only ever saves them, which is something I can wholeheartedly get behind. 

 

But I still have no control. Brown said it was like split personalities, like he thinks I’m mental. I’m not mental, I can’t be, can I?

 

Bad Wolf said River was family. River later called me her Aunt Rose, but said she’s not related. 

 

I got some answers from her today. According to River, I’m still compassionate in her time, still happy to see a new place- still me.

 

That make me feel a bit better.

 

I’ve also been told that Vortex travel isn’t just the ultimate caffeine rush. It also heals me, to a point. I wish she told me the point, but I suspect she couldn’t.

 

Blue just found me. I feel him standing in the doorway, watching me. 

 

He’s fantasizing about dominating me. Properly doing it, with collars and whatnot and not being gentle. 

 

Wow, that was a quick mood swing, now he’s imagining a cuddle.

 

I love that man.

\---------

 

There’s no Bad Wolf.

 

No Bad Wolf, there’s just me.

 

Me and a connection to time and a brain that can’t handle that much information and shouldn’t know it in the first place. 

 

Why the name? A children’s story villain?

 

There’s no entity, no takeover, just me.

 

They now think the passing out isn’t from the timelines, but from my changes. 

 

The two of them are lying in bed next to one another, still asleep. They look so at peace.

 

Last night after I talked to them was brilliant. We didn’t have sex or anything. It was like our more quiet moments before I got trapped, but with light kisses and in a bed.

 

There’s space between them still, enough to slip back in there.


End file.
